Restless ...

Fall is here. The colors are gorgeous, the weather has been beautiful. Our calendar is full of birthday parties, tailgates and football games and concerts. I have a new Kenny CD playing and my boys are off at school. I have work to do--work I want to do.

Somehow the restlessness that I get every fall has settled into my bones again. I feel melancholy on days like today--when the sun is hiding and the chill in the air is poignant. I feel nervous and anxious about being held under water for six months. That's what winter feels like to me--like I have to dive under, find shelter and wait out the time.

The feeling isn't constant--it just comes and goes--and most the time I'm genuinely happy in my own skin. I've just decided I was probably a mermaid in another life. The cold weather just steals my energy and despite valiant efforts to the contrary I keep letting it. This year I am feeling it stronger than ever--of course I say that every year--but the difference is we have no vacations planned (Disney World will be a blast with the boys but it's not quite the same as sun, sand and a Frozen Diet & Malibu ...) to the islands this year. We've been down there every year for 4 or 5 years (yes, I know how lucky I am ...) and this year is out. (Yes, I also know Jamaica in April counts for 2008 but I'm talkin' winter here ...)

So - my restless heart (make no mistake here, my restlessness comes solely and completely from my geographical position on this planet ... I love my husband. I love my boys. I love my house. I just wish, wish, wish it was on the coast of somewhere beautiful.) is going to look for a few answers to get through and I absolutely refuse to wish my time with my boys and EA and on this planet away.